I'm asked some version this question all the time. I brought it over from my mailbag for you blog lovers.
1. Hi Tony!
My husband and I used to be totally hot. Four kids later, I gained 45 pounds. So did he! But I started Power 90, and am getting fit, looking good. Now he is so discouraging! He's jealous of the time I spend on the Power 90 Web site and doing the workouts. Doesn't he want a hot wife? I don't get it. What should I do? Submitted by "hikergirl3"
Let me start by saying that you are not alone. I've met dozens of people who have started Power 90 only to have a spouse or partner try to sabotage them. The exact opposite occurs when couples do the program together. The fact that one person wants to improve and the other doesn't will almost always create a rift in a relationship. The situation is scary for both parties. It's difficult for you because losing 45 pounds requires time and commitment. Changing your eating habits is no picnic either. It's hard on your husband because he feels threatened by your need to do something without him. He's also threatened by your desire to communicate with a bunch of strangers on the Internet. It means less time with him while you're doing something he's not ready to do. Even mealtime equates with unhappiness for him.
When a married couple has two different lifestyles (all of a sudden) then things are going to get tricky. The person making the healthy choices is obligated to understand the person who isn't ready. It's not all his fault that he has these feelings. Sudden change is difficult on everyone. Your decision to do this is a constant reminder that he's not doing it. The status quo is easy to deal with, but full-blown lifestyle change is very disruptive. You might want to ask/tell him the same things you're asking me. Why? Why are you discouraging me? Why are you jealous? Why aren't you supportive of my desire to be better, healthier, fitter, and hotter? You might think you know some of the answers, but be prepared to be surprised by others. Either way you'll be communicating and that's a good thing.
When it's your turn to explain why you're doing this, tell him that his lack of support is only going to make things worse. Tell him that being overweight and out of shape is part of the past. The future for you needs to be filled with doing the right things that will make you happy. If he doesn't start to understand what it is you need to be happy, then his world will only get tougher. This process is never easy but pretending that the elephant isn't in the room will make for more conflict down the road. What you don't want to do is tell him to join you in this process. That's his decision and he'll make it when he's ready, not when you want him to. The worst kind of advice to give is the kind that was never asked for in the first place. My fifth law of health and fitness is Reality. Your reality is that you're ready to lose weight, get fit and healthy, and he is not. If you're going to live happily under the same roof, then you better both support each other knowing the truth in that. 4/17/06