It's not your mother or your father. Not your sister or your brother. It's not your God or your Government. It's not the high school bully or your eighth grade home room teacher. It's not your therapist or your wife or your boyfriend. It's not luck or even circumstance. It's not your height, weight or age that makes life great, or not. It's You! It's you that makes you happy or sad. It's you that makes you smart or stupid. It's you that eats right or not. It's you that chooses to exercise or to sit on your ass. It's you who puts the cigarette in your mouth. It's you that yells at your 3 year old daughter. It's you that doesn't have patience when you need it. Your parents created you, but it's you that decides to make something of yourself. Point the finger in the mirror because that image before you is the only creature on earth that can guarantee happiness, fitness, health, love, joy, purpose and a state of well being. Hoping and wishing that everyone and everything else is going to bring you a better life is a farce and a fantasy.
When you learn how to rely on yourself, you discover that it's not really about you anyway. When you finally stop relying on others for your happiness and blaming them when it doesn't happen you'll see life for what it really is. A community where we help each other. The transition from "me and my problems" to "how can I help." is easier for some than others, but it needs to happen if you want a full and happy life. You have to get your act together because important people in your life need you. They need you to be thoughtful and trustworthy. They want you to listen and NOT give advice unless they ask. They hope you'll be patient, caring and understanding. If you pull this off you'll also learn than perfect strangers are willing to listen to you, because you'll have something they want. You'll have the formula for a good life. A happy life. A healthy life. You will no longer need to rely on others for your happiness because your happiness will come from helping others.
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51 comments:
Amen to that, Tony!
Well said!
My name is Mario,
And I can totally agree with what you've said, but that can't possibly apply to everyone?
There must be some special circumstances where some people just dont fit into that criteria.
I'm only going to give you one example, (even though I know that there must me many more).
Someone who suffers with Depression cant possibly fall into that category. And if you dare say they do, then you dont know much anything about Depression.
Believe me when I say this, I'm a true fan of yours. I think I have almost every DVD you've made, (with the exception of the 1 on 1 series). I'm not here trying to bash you. If anything my comments on here are merely to help bring awareness to the disease that many suffer from, (including myself).
I love you Tony, for what you have done for so many ppl, for the lives that you have saved, changed, and made a difference in. You are a wonderful, and incredible humanbeing.
Take care, and keep up the awesome job.
Sincerely,
Mario P.
Van.BC.CA
pokerman2008@yahoo.com
oh, I really needed this article.
I was very disappointed last few days, but your words makes my stand and re arrange my papers ( because i hated the sentence "sit on your ass")
thank you uncle :) Tony
I`m going now to BRING IT
We can't change anyone else, only ourselves. As someone who has come a long way from being so depressed that I could barely function to living life free of all drugs and charged to see each day, what you say is right on target. For me, it was letting go of people and thought patterns that reinforced negative self talk. Thank you for the reminder!
Thanks for the words of wisdom, Tony. It's only when we stop making excuses and assume responsibility for our own lives that we can truly be happy.
-mel
Thanks for the pep talk! I needed it today!
Well it applies even to people with depression because even then you have to be the one to realize that the problem exists and seek treatment and be willing to stick with it. And I know about depression because I myself have experienced it along with others in my family. Coming to terms with it is the first step and taking steps to alleviate is the next whether that be by medication or an orthomolecular alternative approach.
Thanks for the comments and insight everyone. My goal isn't to try and lump everyone into one giant category. I write these words to help those who are ready to hear them.
Well said but, not to go off on too far of a tangent:
"They want you to listen and NOT give advice unless they ask."
That's one thing I've never understood - why are you complaining to me unless you're trying to solve your problem? Just venting at me won't solve your issues and just expecting folks to quietly listen to you complain always seemed rude to me.
(obviously, by "you" I don't mean you, Tony, nor anyone else commenting =)
The greatest thing about being responsible for your own happiness is that you certainly don't have to wait on anyone or anything to have it! LOL. Whew! That can be a very good thing, some days!
I completely agree that helping other people is key in achieving happiness (joy, peace, contentment, all the things that make you go Hmmm is a good way!). It gets your mind off whatever is bothering you, makes you realize/remember that you have value, and someone else is better off for having known you. Never a bad thing.
Just a long-winded "yes, completely agree with you" response! LOL.
As a fellow sufferer of depression and anxiety, I must respectfully disagree with Mario. It was only when I STOPPED relying on others and started relying on myself that I began to climb out of the quagmire I found myself in. When I was able to talk MYSELF down from an anxiety attack, I stopped having them (I haven't had one in 7 years). Yes, others have helped me but, at the end of the day, it's me. I choose to go to therapy, to take my medication for as long as I need it, and to NOT depend on anyone else to get me the help I need.
Intense, but true. All of it!!
Sadly, most people go through their entire lives never realizing this message!
Tony,
Again, just what I needed to hear! An inspiring, encouraging and thoughtful message about taking the bull by the horns and getting a grip on life. Thank you, my good man....
In reply to Mario's post earlier, I really have to agree with Tony when he says that "this message is for those who are ready to hear it." As a former and probably "present" sufferer of depression, I know that I wasn't ready to hear anything for over 20 years. It was all about ME, always ME, and nothing else mattered. Did ego play an exaggerated role there--I'm sure it did...and when things didn't go my way, guess what, it was always somebody else's fault. To make a long story short, it wasn't until I started to RELAX and LISTEN that things started to turn around. The anxiety, obsessions, the codependent behaviors began to fade and were replaced with feelings and thoughts of peace and emotional stability. Throw a little exercise in there and you have an award-winning combination.
You know, our time on the Earth is so short. Let's just try to listen to the beautiful song of life before the music ends.
What about when one of those "people" or "situations" in life is yourself. I grew up with a very supportive family and still have very supportive people around me. My problem is that I constantly sabotage myself as I get close to a fitness goal. It is almost as if I am afraid to succeed?
Why is that?
I am very sucessful in ALL other areas in my life (very Type A/ perfectionist) but the one area of exercise always throws me for a loop. I have it in my head that I am not athletic.
Any advice? I know there are probably MANY out there just like me! :)
Hey, Guy, my advice to you is to forget about perfection. Perfection and being the best you can be are two very different things that have nothing to do with each other.
Brawn and brains! I like this guy!
Thanks Tony, I needed that!
Thanks, Tony. That's exactly what I needed to hear right now.
That was great!!!!!! Well said.
Apparently, it wasn't just me who thought, "that is just what I needed to hear today." It's such a simple concept, but one that is so easily forgotten. Thank you for reminding me, it's me.
Amen!! Perfectly stated!! You rock.
;-)
Tony, first thank you for your commitment to excellence! I am 30 days into the program and have had dramatic changes in my physique.
That being said, I must say that it is Almighty God that has given me the ability to undertake this. He is my Creator, Sustainer, and Savior... and in Him I have victory in life and P90X!
Thanks,
Bob
You're right Tony. I'm willing to admit that there are some things in life beyond your control, but I'm also a firm believer in self sufficiency and taking as much control over life as possible. It's no wonder that almost every positive, hard working individual I've ever met is happy with their life.
That's why I love P90X. YOU made it. YOU advertise it. YOU show the possibilities. But there's no way that the program can mean crap to me unless I, ME, MYSELF takes the initiative to BRING IT.
Well, I've been bringing it for 24 days into the program now, and I feel AMAZING (I can't wait to post my 30 day pics on my blog!). It gives me great comfort to know that I am in complete control of this and that I CAN make myself better, which will ultimately make me, and those around me, happier as well.
-RB
Yes yes YES!! This is something I try to live by every day. Some times I forget, but when I do, and I read/hear something like this again, it's a great reinforcement. Tony Horton: not only a fitness coach, but life coach too!
Wow, Tony! You hit the nail on the head. You are changing my life and I can't thank you enough.
Amen, brother man! We love ya!
You're my favorite fitness coach/teacher. I've completed 2 rounds of p90x, and am 1 week into Insanity. Keep up your work, and continue to be a role model to those that want to pursue wellness.
R
I reread this blog today, and realized just how much this applies. Too often we want to rely on others to make us happy, only to wonder later why we're not. Once we realize that only we can make ourselves happy, our life will change. I have been struggling with this for a little while now, and rereading is helping me through one of the most difficult times of my life. Thank you Tony.
I agree with Bob 100%. It is my relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ that sustains me.
I like what I have seen of Tony Horton. Tony's words are encouraging but it is my Faith in The One and Only Living God that allows all that I am.
I just started P 90 X. 9th day today. Diet & exercise so far to the best of my ability. Hope to stick with it for at least 90 days. Hope to have the results that are advertised.
I think it is an excellent program!
Would have loved to have read that Tony Horton was a fellow Believer in Christ!
Dawe
I also used to take medicine for anxiety attacks and decided 6 months ago I was not going to let the drugs rule my life. That began a change in my life - I took control over what happened and didn't happen my life. I began a journey to become healthy, mentally and physically.
great words Tony...was needing a little inspiration today and that nailed it on the head!! Thanks.
Within the last few years of my life, I've tried my hardest to stick to this exact same thought process. And guess what? It makes me feel better mentally and physically. It's great to see that someone else feels the same way. Tony, I'm sure you've heard this before, but P90-X has changed my life. Thank you so much for putting a program together that's so simple to follow and so pleasantly difficult to perform. Stay strong, man. I, my brother, and everyone I've started on the program love you.
- Emmanuel
Tony, your words are like jet fuel for the human spirit.
I hope your self esteem, motivation, commitment to excellence, and love of human potential spread like a disease across this country.
Maybe someday we will spend less time arguing about "isms" and more time striving to reach our personal potential and to help those around us do the same. Instead of screaming at each other about the ultimate political system, we can motivate each other and learn to live the ultimate life.
I really enjoyed this post. As a trainer, the best part of my day is when I am helping others reach their goals. It doesn't matter what is going on outside of that session. When I walk into the gym to train someone,I am happy.
I love P90x. Keep up the great programs!!
WOW!!!!!!!!!
Amen Tony! Once again you have spoken the absolute truth about fitness and about life. Thank you!
It's been a long couple of months for me lately and it's only been recently that I have started to get this message. It's been hard but I think I am starting to get it and change my way of thinking. Throughout it all I have stayed with my P90X and 1 on 1 series and I know that is how I have kept my sanity. Reading your coments has been as helpfull as Tony's great blogs. After 31 years it's time to make TIME for me!
Amen.
Well, Tony, I have to tell you this says exactly what I've been telling myself for years. I'm 24 years old, and about ten years ago some things went on that I used as an excuse to be a down in the dumps person. One day when I was 16 I looked myself in the mirror, and said "pull yourself together, stupid!" ever since I've been one of the happiest people I know. So happy in fact, others are always asking if I'm on drugs! Now I'm always telling others the same thing. Only YOU can make life what it is!
I'm not here to judge your words (you're right here, you're wrong there!), but I am here to say that your words really hit home for me. I'm a generous and patient person, but I was also a bit spoiled and wished for happiness to come to me. Your words are relevant to my problems, and they are a revelation on how I can solve them.
I am actually on day 18 of P90X, and I've never felt or looked better, even after months of working out on a Bowflex, and after trying out super-strict, body-builder type diets like those outlined in Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle.
Your dedication to motivate others to "Bring it" is really what inspires me before every workout, especially something as intense and tear-inducing as Plyometrics! And after reading your words, I see how real this dedication is. Not that I needed any more motivation, because the results are speaking for themselves, but I will always think on this whenever I BRING IT!
thought i'd repost this, referring to this post and your post "Looking Good Isn't Good Enough"
http://blog.ted.com/2009/08/the_surprising.php
"nobody can make you feel good or bad without your consent" I forget who said it, but it rings too true
Very inspiring message, Tony, one that many need to hear from time to time to keep us real. Am finishing my first round of P90X and have never felt better about myself and actually doing something so hard, that kicks ass! I'm looking forward to more P90X and other workouts-thanks for being such an inspiration to so many!
One word - ACCOUNTABILITY
Amen!
I don't even really know where to start.
Thank you! For helping me change my life.
Thank you! For encouraging me every single day to bring it.
Thank you! For reminding me that no matter what other people in my life may say to encourage me to fail (because they are too weak or too scared to succeed and change) that I can succeed with your support.
Thank you! For making me dig deep, want to quit, and realize that I am to strong, and my health is too important to quit.
Thank you! For inspiring me to start my own blog for other 30+ year old moms like me, in the same boat as me, ready to change like me, and keeping me pushing play every day!
Thank you! For more than my words can ever say. I feel strong, I feel like a new person, I feel 20 years old at age 34, I feel like I can take on the world.
And most important.....my five year old sees me work out every day, sees me strong, sees me healthy, understands why it's important, and now shares this knowledge with others.
If only my parent's had taught me such lessons so early on...
Thank you! For helping me be better person, a better role model, a better therapist, and most importantly, a better Momma!!
Awesome post Tony. It reminds me of a book I read on cognitive behavioral therapy, (which is great for depression by the way) SOS Help for Emotions: Managing Anxiety, Anger, and Depression by Lynn Clark. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants better control over their emotions.
The battle we fight everyday is the battle of our thoughts. I find it empowering that every moment, every single day, I have the power to choose. How liberating! Here are two quotes that really inspire me. I hope you enjoy them. :-)
Attitude By Charles Swindoll
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church or a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the past…We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…We are in Charge of Our Attitudes.
“I Can Choose” By Ted Hamilton –Energized
Created in the image of God, we are uniquely gifted with the ability to think, to reason, to create, and to choose. What a risk God took, and what a responsibility is ours by our life choices to reflect the image of the loving God who created us. Revelation and research both agree that the positive exercise of the power of choice contributes to health and prolongs life.
I Can Choose…
•To eat healthfully of the nutritious bounty of Gods garden.
•To exercise-walk, run, bike, swim, move with freedom and joy.
•To rest, relax, enjoy a siesta, take a holiday, vacation with friends.
•To sleep, refreshing the body, recharging the nerves, restoring the spirit.
I Can Choose…
•To laugh freely and often, with others and at myself.
•To hope in the face of fear and failure, disappointment and despair.
•To learn about my world and the people who inhabit it, about myself.
•To grow, as did Jesus, in strength and wisdom and favor with God and human beings.
•To think, to ask questions and search for the answers.
•To work with my hands and with my mind, with energy and purpose.
•To play just for the fun of it.
I Can Choose…
•To nurture relationships, talking and touching, giving and taking.
•To participate in life, speaking up, taking a stand, being counted.
•To volunteer in the hospital, the school. Or the homeless shelter.
•To be a neighbor to a single mom or an aging couple with Alzheimer’s.
•To keep my promises and honor my commitments.
•To affirm the good, the noble, the giftedness of others.
I Can Choose…
•To believe in a divine purpose for my life.
•To worship the God who made me for joyful relationship with Him.
•To pray, living in communion with my Creator-Friend.
•To forgive those who hurt me, releasing my bitterness.
•To forget…Yes it is possible!
•To act with integrity, honesty, and purity.
•To love…for God is love.
WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE TODAY?
The difference between success and failure all comes down to a choice. Each and every one of us has what it takes to reach success. I hope you choose success today and everyday for the rest of your life.
Love that! Thanks!
Very good phrase
It above my understanding!
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