Monday, February 12, 2007

Resolution

As the new year kicked in I was struggling with a New Year's Resolution. I thought that maybe this year I'd just blow it off and keep doing what I've been doing. Truth be told, 75% of the time things were great, while the rest of life was a struggle. As I began to look at it closely, I kept trying to create a statement that would reveal what I needed to do, to improve my percentages. It didn't feel right that most of the time I felt open, positive, creative, energetic and hopeful and a forth of the time I was feeling scared, anxious, sad, nervous and overwhelmed. A grand improvement from my days of youth, but I knew that there was still more room for improvement. I understand that certain situations in life can and will cause some discomfort, but I believe that I'm the main cause of my unhappy times, not some outside source. This revelation came just after the new year and in that moment I realized what my resolution for 2007 had to be.

I figured out that most of my angst came from two things that are directly connected. 1. Not knowing how to make my way through certain situations that involve solving complex life problems. And 2. Not having the confidence that I already have the answers, or the courage to ask questions of the right people who can help me understand/solve my problems. When I became aware of this, the statement I was looking for popped in my head clear as day. I knew in an instant that in 2007 I needed to find clarity with the people in my life and tie up unfinished business. I was very clear about my workouts and diet, but my finances, relationships and career were only getting part time attention. This was creating problems and I knew I was the only cause. This newfound clarity resulted in having difficult conversations with lawyers, accountants, investors, friends and family. I was pretending to know where everyone stood in my world, but the truth was I was clueless.

I stopped waiting for situations to resolve themselves, and for people to come around when they were ready. I had to take the initiative and ask as many questions as possible to make sure that the people around me knew exactly where I stood. This didn't require being a tough guy or a wise ass. I didn't have to raise my voice or point any fingers. I tried to stay upbeat, humorous and curious throughout the process. My job was to find ways to help me understand where I stood with all the people and situations in my life. The lack of clarity and unfinished business was eating away at me and it dawned on me that asking the right questions was the only way to make for a better life. I made lists (and still do) of the things that felt unfinished. I called and e-mailed the people connected to these unclear, unfinished situations and asked them how they intended to proceed. The end result was astonishing. My concerns were washed away once I began talking with people. When everyone involved is fully informed, clarity is achieved, unfinished business resolved, and life becomes joyous and a lot less complicated.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Another classic. Good to know I am not the only one that has been waiting for things to mysteriously "work themselves out". Seems they just never have for me.

A focus on finances, relationships and career. Works for me. I'm In.

Thanks for the clarity!

nick said...

Tony,

Right now I'm going to do a curtsy lunge and bow in your honor:) Man, it takes courage and intestinal fortitude to tie up that loose 25% of life that seems to afflict all of us mere mortals throughout our years. Why do we insist on shutting ourselves up in our daily routines, while the world just gets more and more confusing around us? As we grow more comfortable, we actually become more miserable; what is up with that? There's something missing, I think. And that something is inner peace and confidence in one's existence and faith. Let's face it, we'll never starve, and if we do, it's out of our hands, brutha! However, it's our choice if we starve our peace and happiness because we decide to tap dance around our unfinished business.
Ask and you shall receive....

Anonymous said...

Dude, I love your style. Reminds me of what golfer Chi Chi Rodrigues said when asked for two words that described his foundation for kids: Optimism and Opportunity. You never let us lose sight of the fact that we need to strive and work to be happy or optimistic. As well, when we have opportunity we can Decide. Commit. Succeed. Peace and happiness: they're in our hands!

Anthony S.

Anonymous said...

Awesome, awesome post. Thanks for your wisdom Tony. It matters as much as your coaching.

Health and happiness to you,
- J

Anonymous said...

Tony:

How is it that you always seem to say what I need to hear in life and always at the right time! Thank you! I'm rocking your program, Day 55 and my angst in life rigiht now is from some unfinished business. Time to get to work, thank you for the answers to my prayers!! :) Keep living the dream...

MOXIE

traci morrow said...

This is why I love you. (well, me and everyone else who knows you.) :)

Two words: LOVE LANGUAGE. :)

Want me to wash your car, friend?
Or do you want me to bring you a pack of gum?

Hey, friends can speak the language too.

Keep journaling....

Your "CO-PARTNER" :o)~
T